Well, this old porn coot feels a bit gypped. I asked the proprietors of Rancho Carne to send me something random. Last time I asked that, I got some boring lesbian (dyke-ish, not lipstick) bondage stuff that barely inspired ole’ Jim Dandy to rise. In this case, I wasn’t as disappointed, that’s for sure, but I don’t think I actually beat the snot out of Jim Dandy due to this film.
You see, I like to see some cock/dildo/etc. in the pink regions. Or the other, other orifice (no, not the nose). This here film is for those who relish the thought of puckered lips, lightly dancing tongues and some serious ancillary stroking on the hard shaft and head of a willing he-slut. Blowjobs – gobs of them – grace this flick, and if you are a dumbass, you’d not thought that pure blowjob films exist. Well, they do, and while they just don’t inspire me, I can say that this one is pretty damn chock full of a variety of dirty pillows pushing pouty lips into and around pulsing pricks. Oh, and like the title indicates, they just so happen to be from what the smartypants call “Latin America.” Apparently, if you want to stereotype, that means they have some nice tans. Many of them have some serious booty, and some tig’ole-bitties. But not all of them do. So maybe a stereotype isn’t exactly fitting. Stupid stereotypes.
In Latin Lickers #3 (I missed #1 and #2, of course), they don’t mince too many words, though sometimes the he-sluts try to be creative and talk a bit to the camera (shut up) and other times, they do the compulsory “talk to the woman, ask her if she likes sex” shit, but most of the time, you just get about a zillion lusty Latinas sucking some serious dick. If that is your thing, I strongly recommend this film. Sure, some of the actors are kinda grody, but on a whole, I bet you could find a woman you wish you could have hob-your-knobber. In fact, I would say, if asked to make a point, or a choice, that Mary Jane was just the actor for me. See? Even I, addled with scotch and nearing thirty, can find a gem in a film that I never jack off to. She's a hotty. MMmmmm.
So, end of the day, I give Latin Lickers a solid 3. The digital film is fine, the women are fine and the film gets to the point. That is a solid 3 with a caveat – if you really like blowjobs, make it a 3.5, if you’d rather see more to tumble your rocks off the nut table, then make it a 2.5.
Does LATIN LICKERS 3 sound like it's
right up your alley? Buy it on
DVD Features Include: bonus footage | full motion chapter indexing,web link | jump to scenes | photo menu | trailers
Running Time: 119 minutes | Production Date: 10-04-2004
Cooter the counting cactus says that you are smutmonkey number 2454 to read this Rancho Review.
DATE POSTED: 11-11-2005