I had a weird dream last night. In it, I was some manner of collegiate playboy, and I was
getting girlies left and right. One, though, really got attached; and me and this Japanese
(or some such Oriental) teenie lit up an awesome "J" and took it to the streets Doobie
Brothers-style. We were walkin' and talkin' and huggin,' 'bout to be fuckin' and suckin,'
but then I arose to bleak reality. I think I speak for all of us when I say, "God fucking
damn-it to the bowels of bloody Hell!"
I was still high when I got up.
That's where Ghost Pro Productions and creator/star/superman Tony Porno comes in.
Now, I don't know who this fella is, but the guy's been at it since 2001; and I've been
downloading all his stuff for almost as long. He's probably my favorite internet site
curator, and one of the best in this sordid business at making the ladies look innocent and
eager (funny-shaped penis-head not withstanding). Everyone has fun! I grabbed Asian
Creampies 1 and frisbeed it across my bedroom into my PC's slot loading DVD drive.
The first scene stars 23 year-old Duan, and everything progresses nicely to the end. In
order, you get a little introduction, a blowjob, some twat-diddling, multi-positional
fucking, and a vaginal cumshot. The same activity follows for all girls featured. Pretty
sexy, indeed. Next is the blonde-haired Jenny, and her petite frame frames two very large
breasts. Pik is third, and - as my favorite - is the most fun to watch. She seems to embody
the shy, schoolgirl-like behavior so many perverts associate with Eastern culture. Fourth
and fifth are Muk and Noon, respectively; and the former's voluptuous body and
beautiful breasts rival the latter's dance-crazed, athletic cock-teasing and good English.
Finally is scene 6, starring cover-girl Nuch. The 21 year-old is lovely and thick as her
accent (well, maybe not that thick), and she's n00b to be sure. After they finish, the
movie is over, and the credits (unlike the jelly and the thunder) never roll.
The DVD is fairly barren of features, but does offer a gallery and five previews for other
stuff Mr. T. (P.) has, like his bitches, put out. All of the disc's main footage is split up in
chapters, and each features a subdirectory used to navigate within them. The cover
advertises a bonus scene, but I could not find the thing anywhere on the track-listings or
at the end of any other segment. Perhaps it's my hardware's software - I mean, I'm sure it
has to be on here somewhere...Nevertheless, it's more than a little lame. Because of the
lackluster extas, I am subtracting a point from the overall total. And because of the Ghost
Pro guy and his delicious finds, I am adding it back. How often can you pick up a dream
right where you left off without going back to sleep?
In the words of the man himself, "Oh, my Buddah!"
Does ASIAN CREAMPIES 1 sound like it's
right up your alley? Buy it on
DVD Features Include: previews | gallery | bonus scene
Running Time: 83 minutes | Production Date: ##-##-2005
Cooter the counting cactus says that you are smutmonkey number 1988 to read this Rancho Review.
DATE POSTED: 07-23-2005