Hello, my name is Clyde. I run Rancho Carne. I am going to offer anyone who sends me a full-on squirting-only film a free month's worth of ads on Rancho and a featured review on the front page of our little site here.
I like Digital Sin's She Squirts series. I like it a lot. Not because of the squirting (which is sometimes good, sometimes GREAT, but sometimes nonexistent), but because there's nothing quite so great as cute girls with ship sinking lips (loose, get it?) plugging their junk up with toys that are bigger than your baby's arm (that's a dick for those of you who think I'm actually talking about the arm of your infant). Bigger than parts of your leg probably. Unless you're amazingly fat, in which case... this is going nowhere.
This movie opens with a montage of scenes from later in the film. The very first teaser scene has a good squirt. It starts slow and builds up to a torrent. But after that, we see no squirting for a very long time.
In the first scene, Adajja jams herself full of flesh-ish-colored cylinders with fake veins on them. My real name isn't Clyde, and Adajja's real name probably isn't Adajja. I think I chose a better pseudonym, but that's beside the point.
Logan has good sound effects going for her as she rummages around in her French-tickler turned inside out looking snizz, and she manages to get four fingers up in there without too much trouble, but she's got some distracting stretch marks on her legs. I guess you can't expect everyone in dirty movies to be perfect, but as much as Logan impressed me with her ability to make squeaky noises at the same time she makes short work of her deep twat, I just couldn't get over the Tommy Lee Jones aspect of her thighs. I'm sorry Logan. It probably wouldn't bother me if we were actually doing it in real life, but this is a porno movie for crying out loud. She does some amazing things with molded plastic and rubber though. I could almost feel her cum as she worked larger and larger things into her birth canal. If Soryama made audio instead of visual art, this is what his work would sound like. Kind of like someone cramming their fist into a 50 gallon drum of jell-o repeatedly and with ferocity. And actually, by the end of this scene, I was concentrating so hard on Logan's festival of twat that her stretch marks weren't even an issue.
Desert Rose is next at bat (I'm a little surprised that we're not treated to any baseball bat insertions in these films. Maybe they're not girthy enough), and she fools around with the flaming red zitty thing between her legs. She starts with her fingers, but quickly moves to a little black vibrator that has her wetter than a motherfucker in no time flat. You can tell she's about to start squirting because she's not cramming larger and larger things in her crevice. When her little smooth white vibe comes out and she ministers to her clit for a long time, you can see her squirt muscles start working little by little. Then she blows like Moby Dick. This, ladies and gentlemen is what we mean by squirting. It's a beautiful thing, and Desert knows how to make it happen. She does it over and over, her muscles down there get spastic, and I was afraid that she would leave the set dehydrated and on a gurney, but instead she goes for a little ride on our Sybain friend. I was hoping for some sort of electric shock that would result from her leaky, convulsing, spastic, squirting snizz, but that was a no go on that one there.
The next scene is with Amber Michaels, and though she's pretty, I think she may be getting a little old for this game of reverse birth. She does not squirt.
This film should prove once and for all that size doesn't matter. All of the girls who stuffed their junk like a thanksgiving turkey ended up walking funny the day after. The chick who was gentile and used small toys turned into a little bathtub faucet.
Think about that.
Final analysis: good strong gigantic dildo scenes and great sound track, but not enough squirting. I want EVERY GIRL IN MY SQUIRTING MOVIE TO COME LIKE SHE'S SOME SORT OF COKE MACHINE.
Does SHE SQUIRTS 11 sound like it's
right up your alley? Buy it on
DVD
DVD Features Include: 10 interviews with pornstars | chapter search | digital clarity | dvd-rom compatible | over 25 trailers | photo gallery | playable worldwide | stereo sound
Cooter the counting cactus says that you are smutmonkey number 3020 to read this Rancho Review.
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