I'm definitely the jealous type, so now that I've been married for a while, stability has driven me to become envious of other men. Mind you, not of men pursuing my wife, coveting thy neighbor's wife, as the bible so aptly puts it. I'm jealous of the guy who gets to film and fuck young perky-titted naked chicks in Miss Cutie Booty 2, like John Whoremonger. I'm jealous of a certain p0rn reviewer who gets comped invites to Adult Video News award shows in Vegas and Tahoe mid-winter and gets to meet his dream girls and maybe cop a feel (or more). I'm also jealous of the guys who watch p0rn all day long and night, in front of their computer, jerking their semen into gallon milk jugs, stored labeled by date in their fridge. How can you not be jealous of that guy? Like the first two, they are figments of my imagination, fueled by watching movie after movie in the privacy of my own home, and wondering how the other half lives. Truth is, my other half wonders what I see in this stuff, girl after girl fucked hard, often, and inseminated without love. Yup, I say, works for me! As long as I know, that she's up waiting for me to finish up with the digital video cutie bootys, like Pixie Ann and the two Briannas. Man, that's fucked up, isn't?
Then there's the supposed amateur booty contest, which never actually happens if you can call it that if an ass never gets worshipped or penetrated, which John Whoremonger molests them verbally, and because they have agreed to get naked, you know for art's sake, then they add blowjobs to the list of things they'll do for him. OK, while John has his dick out why not get some action while they're at it. And so, the progression into p0rn goes thusly.
I have to admit I liked watching all the amateur girls I saw, but after watching commercial after commercial of Girls/Guys Gone Wild on anything from LOGO to Spike, my respect for amateur p0rn has waned considerably. Not that it's their fault, but damn, men will wank off to anything (and onto anything), so listening to some guy like John Whoremonger "convincing" girls to undress is just no fun, when I've got a perfectly good collection of movies where fucking young girls is straight out the gate is just more fun to watch and listen to.
Hereís the scoop:
Jenna looks like an enhanced blonde stripper with an ok face and permanent pout. OK, John basically compliments her into the bed and sucking and fucking happen. Sheís flexible enough from all that pole dancing and her pussy has the VIP lounge pricetag, so consider it a bargain that you got to see her for about $20. You know with enough hand lotion and this movie, your iron grip can replace any hole you see penetrated here.
Brianna Beach is your typical GND slim, with small boobs and nice shapely hips. She looks like some girl youíd meet drunk at a frat party and kissed and groped, not a proto-porn star, but she knows the whole deal canít act her way out of a paper bag, and the gib is up. John doesnít need to fill her mind up with dreams of being an underwear model, so she is an easy lay. Probably the best scene of the bunch, but I am starting to get tired of Whoremongerís rap. A pop to the mouth with great eye contact at the camera should convince you that she means business, so suck pretty baby, suck that cum down.
Brianna Braggís got some massive all-natural boobies, probably D cups but they are starting to hang, so you know a breast reduction is probably her next appointment. Brianna has some very innocent looking horny library studies major and John doesnít waste any time asking her to remove her top. If he wasnít such a jerk, I guess he wouldnít have a job, but if you skip a few minutes ahead, youíll find him getting a tit job on his cock, so WTF, it must work. I guess discussing existentialism and puddy tats over cups of herbal tea, really wonít get you action like this, unless you are already fucking her into a sex haze, then it doesnít matter what you say.
Stephanie is a brunette with a nice full b cup body and slim look like Sarah Silverman, so comedy chix fans can rejoice. The usual fuck and suck take place and photo shoot but she looks like a whore Iíve seen before and so she getís right on the bed without much fanfare, but Iíd wish John would shut up already and fuck her. Her big red puffy nipples and rosy cheeks make for good beach fuck. She frigs and fucks and it is pretty hot altogether with a wet shaved clam. She fucks with big gross motor moves (no p0rn finesse here), like an ex-girlfriend, and if you need that kind of revenge fuck, this scene should sport your hatefuck woody. Thereís no cum here for her to jerk onto her stomach, so Iím not sure this scene really counts.
The most wankable scene is waif Pixie Ann. After all, if you need to see skinny flat chested coke whores getting boinked and sucking massive drool puddles from the dick, this one should launch your loads. She has that euro heavy eyeliner look but a name that spells out what she is, but an outfit that spells Wal-Mart sale rack. Luckily, the clothes come off quick and a great deep blowjob takes over the screen. Unfortunately, Johnís ass zits ruin the throat fuck, but I have to admit I kinda liked the scene on the skank tip. The fucking is harder and Pixie Ann is kinda unemotional, so expect to see her popularity rise in Europe, like Belgium.
I struggle with whether to give this one three solids, but Johnís incessant desperate chatter makes Wesley Pipes sound like Barry White. I picked the best scenes out for yíall so go to it amateur fans.
Does MISS CUTIE BOOTY 2 sound like it's
right up your alley? Buy it on
Running Time: 120 minutes | Production Date: 09-06-2006
Cooter the counting cactus says that you are smutmonkey number 1417 to read this Rancho Review.
DATE POSTED: 2007-03-25