“This is my fucking movie!” Joanna Angel spouts and this reviewer is glad that it is. This is the way that more porn should be; campy, fun and full of real-world, hard core sex. You won’t find your typical bobble-head, bottle blondes here, only real horny ladies taking on both cock and each other alike with all the gusto of a drunken backseat grope after the high-school prom.
Porny Monster is a spoof of the mainstream movie Party Monster. In this spoof, a wanna-be porn star’s quest to be like Joanna Angel turns ultra-extreme as she dives head-long into the porn scene ultimately becoming the “Porny Monster.”
Chapel Waste drops by to meet Joanna Angel at Food Swings in NYC and proclaims “I want to be just like you.” Now this could be where a porn movie falls flat on its face; too much dialog and, oh my God, a plot! Not the case here, lots of sublime humor over some kind of campy Charlie Brown walking music. An overhearing deli patron’s (Megahertz) reactions to the life-changing conversation actually had me laughing out loud. Joanna delivers the steps of being just like her to the gushing, note taking, Goth-industrial hottie. Just one question this reviewer has is where can I get the cool Joanna Angel “Eat Me” lunch box?
Joanna and Chapel are off to a club to put Joanna’s words of wisdom into action. The rave-techno party is a trippy scene where Joanna and Chapel (Joanna’s newly-dubbed “little Chapstick”) find harlots Whisky and Pixie Perl licking it up on a white, tight leather sofa. Public sex is hot and this scene lives up to that fantasy. Whisky and Perl go at each other like animals with mutual licking, fingering and deep kissing.
On a side note, our more avid porn addicts may have realized that they do not recognize most of the performers in this flick. Most of them are new-comers and are drawn from Joanna’s talent pool found at BurningAngel.com. You can find more information on these alternative beauties there.
Dropping into the club’s co-ed restroom, we find E-buying Jade Jolie (main dancer with the hardcore rap group, Wolfpac) with two poseur drug dealers (James Dean and Alec Knight). While a throng of raver’s stand in line out side, pink-streak haired, Jade takes on the two pushers. This reviewer knowing this is Jade’s first real porn movie was a real turn-on, especially when she starts the dirty talk with the boys; she really gets into it.
Switch-hit blowjobs, standing doggie blowjerk dabbled with some ass-spank, and on-the-sink missionary brings us to the nice double money shot. Dirty-slut Jade gives up the brown starfish to James and even goes ATM while riding Alec Knight. With that kind of restroom raunch, doing the doo will never be the same for me again; thanks Jade!
As Chapel and Joanna make their way into the restroom, Joanna proclaims that you don’t go to the restroom to “go” you go to give blowjobs. My heart be still; Joanna Angel doing gloryhole action! Joanna giving mater-of-fact instructions on how to give a blow job with a massive boner in her face is sure to get you up. The clinical instructions remind me of an old porn classic the Opening of Misty Beethoven. So the two tag team the throbbing anonymous member and the popshot yields a tad bit of cum swapping between our master and apprentice.
At DJ another rave party, that “DJ Tommy Pistol” has been promoting during through out the movie, Tommy comically flounder as a DJ and almost drives away the crowd. The exception is for a newly off-the-boat, cock grabbing Japanese girl (Lystra). Despite her pleas there is only one way that she is able to make him stop his crappy mix. I won’t give away that secret, but this light domination by a take-no-crap Asian raver got me humming the “DJ Tommy Pistol” song. [As our friends at Hustler Video sent us a pre-authored version of this smut, we did not yet get a copy of the released version that has among the extras Tommy’s music video…can’t wait to see that!]. Besides Tommy’s antics, the best tidbit of this scene is Lystra doing reverse cowgirl (RCG) while Tommy’s legs are up by her ears. Now you don’t see that in normal factory porn!
Latter the bummed out Joanna needs cheering up and Chapel does not miss an opportunity or a beat. Joanna and Chapel take on James and Alec in a club’s VIP room. There is a little partner swapping twist and lots of same room sex. Ultimately, Angel is pushed out of the action as our precious Chapel turn into “a Porny Monster” who now takes on not only Alec, but Tommy and Vince Vegan.
Simultaneously; a hard, rooftop, anal pumping scene from James is the only way that Joanna can cheer up and forget the “Monster”. The dialog between James and Joanna adds to the buildup and really did it for me. After blowing his load on Joanna’s face, James returns to the new foursome action. The double penetration seems to take the steam out of Chapel and almost leaves the other 2 stiffs fending for themselves. During the 4-way pop, we get a clear view of Chapel’s 20-side die tattoo! Despite draining 8 nuts and looking like a glazed donut, our new Porny Monster begs for more…
The final sex scene is where Joanna and James have an “intervention” with our Porny Monster but the pair seems more like enablers. Lots of James swapping between the two lasses with a dose of vag and anal. There’s a twist in the end that completes the story nicely.
The story, written by Ms. Angel, does not get in the way but holds all the carnality together. The newcomers are great as the sex seems enthusiastically unrehearsed. All-in-all this movie rocks and I while I see many award nominations for this I am even more hopeful for the sequel!
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Running Time: 130 minutes | Production Date: 12-12-2006
Cooter the counting cactus says that you are smutmonkey number 5357 to read this Rancho Review.
DATE POSTED: 2007-01-11
Big Dave (Smut Fan) says:
I love this movie! Jade Jolie....WOW!
Big Dave gives this movie 5