I recently viewed RLD's Cumfart Cocktails 4, and - because it's one of the nastier vids I've seen in a goodly while, I decided to tell my good porn friend Beau Brannon about it. You guys might not know of Beau - he does most of his work overseas in the Czech Republic; but rest assured, he's pretty familiar with the nasty constraints of American post-coital salad tossing. Where he's at, they do things a little differently (mainly, the guys eat their own anal dumplings), but he's generally insightful enough. The following is our exact correspondence in the matter:
[18:52] guy norhinf: dude, do you know what a cumfart cocktail is?
[18:53] cervixproclaimeth: yeah man t'is when girls anally blast a man's jism into the mouths of extremely eager dudes salivating orifices.
[18:53] cervixsays: is that good?
[19:01] guy norhinf: hahaha
[19:01] guy norhinf: close
[19:01] guy norhinf: ok
[19:01] guy norhinf: now tell me sir, what would you say if i told you
[19:01] cervixproclaimeth: beau brannon is my name sir
[19:02] guy norhinf: these following whores were in this movie,
[19:02] guy norhinf: sorry beau
[19:02] guy norhinf: ok
[19:02] guy norhinf: these following girls: Bailey, Mysti May, Sierra Sinn, Hailey Young, Kelly Wells, Sasha Knox, Mia Bangg and Melissa Lauren? Does that sound at all appealing to you?
[19:03] cervixproclaimeth: basically, you can stop at Bailey my good man. she gets me prone to bone every time. you needn't mention the rest, although they are icing on the tip of the cock. er, cake.
[19:03] guy norhinf: i see, but im afraid your definition was a little off about the cumfarting cocktailing. The dvd says "cumfart cocktail - noun. hot, slimy ball-snot cock injected into a young girl's ass hole for added flavoring, and then noisily farted into the open mouth of her girlfriend, who eagerly swallows it." Does that sound good to you? Scrumptious? Nutritious AND delicious?
[19:05] cervixproclaimeth: that sounds simply delectable
[19:05] guy norhinf: yeah but tell me, beau
[19:05] cervixproclaimeth: just right for my palate
[19:05] guy norhinf: what do you think about slutty kelly wells? isnt she a super nasty skank harlot? i think sasha knox is pretty attractive as far as white girls go
[19:06] cervixproclaimeth: kelly wells is just the nastiest. she'd make even my great great uncle twice removed keel over and die. oh wait, he did
[19:07] guy norhinf: oh! sorry to hear that, beau. i hear it runs in the brannon family, porn-induced heart attacks.
[19:07] cervixproclaimeth: it's ok, he died in a post-masturbatory euphoria. he was good to go
[19:07] guy norhinf: usually im depressed after juicing the ol' sluice
[19:08] cervixsays: sip on some sizzurp
[19:08] guy norhinf: but that's cause i got no woman... and even still, it doesnt count unless they're black
[19:08] cervixproclaimeth: don't let them drag you down
[19:08] guy norhinf: black girls are hot, beau
[19:08] cervixproclaimeth: i won't dispute it
[19:08] guy norhinf: indeed. anyways beau, its been good talking to you. always nice to let the fans hear it from an expert.
[19:09] guy norhinf: think they should go out and buy this disgusting dvd or do you think the general porn public cant handle the truth?
[19:10] cervixproclaimeth: thank you, and yes, of course! anything guy norhinf has a part of is going to be top notch!
[19:10] guy norhinf: true, true. but remember, beau, my name is buff punzlif on ranchocarne.com
[19:10] cervixproclaimeth: oh word, keep it greezy
[19:11] guy norhinf: greezy and sleazy my good man
[19:11] cervixproclaimeth: fsho!
[19:11] guy norhinf: greezy and sleazy
[19:11] guy norhinf: peace out, mate
[19:11] cervixproclaimeth: take it easy
[19:11] guy norhinf: 8====D~~~
[19:12] cervixsays: ahahah
[19:12] guy norhinf: when r u going to irishton or r u there alreddy?
[19:12] cervixsays: im here
[19:12] cervixsays: got here this morn 2am your time
[19:13] guy norhinf: damn rules. go find me some irish sluts so we can make a movie about them and keep in touch, beau.
[19:13] cervixsays: ok i'm on it
[19:13] cervixsays: are you getting off
[19:13] guy norhinf: when you get back lets get some chinese food. im going to get wings right now. ttyl
[19:13] cervixsays: yeah dude nov30th
[19:13] cervixsays: hey
[19:13] cervixsays: where can i see this interview
[19:14] guy norhinf: probably in a week at ranchocarne.com
[19:14] guy norhinf: i'll let you know, mr. brannon
[19:14] cervixsays: dope let me know
[19:14] cervixsays: hahah
[19:14] guy norhinf: peace out
[19:14] guy norhinf: 10-4
[19:14] guy norhinf: over and over and out
[19:14] cervixsays: drive safe punzlif / Norhinf
So there you have it. Essentially, this DVD stars Red Light's (Platinum X's) standard superstar cast of cocks; and each liquidy pook erupts like a volcano of semen and rectal expulsion. This shit is almost as gross as various hardcore JM productions have been, except here you get better production values across the board.
I almost forgot: you also get a pretty nice bonus blowjob starring the sexy ebony Anna Belle. Unfortunately, she doesn't go all the way; but extras add 27 more minutes to the whopper runtime, so I can't complain too much.
Does CUMFART COCKTAILS 4 sound like it's
right up your alley?
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DVD Features Include: behind the scenes | bonus bj | photo gallery | web access
Running Time: 275 minutes | Production Date: 04-26-2006
Cooter the counting cactus says that you are smutmonkey number 7051 to read this Rancho Review.
DATE POSTED: 10-01-2006