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by
Jack Dup
With the Blockbuster 4-Pack, there’s no shortage of beautiful Eurobabes to go around. If that’s not your thing, one of the movies features an entirely U.S. based cast. As opposed to reviewing each movie individually, I’ll give the highlights and lowlights from each of the four.
So as to get the worst of the worst out the way, let’s start with Jason Colt: Mystery of the Sexy Diamonds. In case the title hasn’t given this away, it’s intended to be a spin-off on the Bond films. This movie is simply abysmal. Initially, Jason Colt’s dialogue is so childish as to be mildly amusing. Twenty minutes in, though, you realize just how pathetic a job the writer(s) did here. Whoever penned this stuff should be embarrassed, as the characters are as caricaturized as they could possibly be. What’s worse, there wasn’t a single girl in the cast that I found attractive. That said, there is a decent performance from Annie Cruz. She proves to be quite the smutty girl while taking on two studs. Other than that, the sex scenes are really difficult to get into because of all the cheesy effects they use while filming. And if said effects don’t get to you, the way the sex is interspersed with other scenes, which are intended to tell the silly story, probably will. Know how car companies give financial backing to films in which their cars appear? You’d think that was the case here. It seems like Colt is constantly driving his BMW through busy city streets. So often does this occur that it’s hard not to notice that he’s driving through the same exact streets he did in previous shots. If there’s a throwaway disk in this set, it’s definitely this one.
My favorite movie in the 4-Pack would have to be The Sexth Element. Like Mystery of the Sexy Diamonds, it’s another offshoot. This time however, you actually get the sense that a decent amount of effort was put into the production. There are a lot of special and computerized effects utilized. Although some of them aren’t great, they set the scenes appropriately. Speaking of the scenes, the sex here is often very good. I especially like the first group sex scene featuring Black Angelika and Kyra Black. They get dominated by their men and accept the shagging with gusto. Regina Ice is also great when coupled with Lauro Giotto. She really insists on receiving a thorough fuck. My one problem with this movie is the abrupt ending, but by no means does it spoil the overall experience. In addition to the main feature, there’s a fairly fun and interesting documentary about the making of the movie. If that’s not enough, there’s a helluva bonus scene which sees Black Angelika being doubled over by two dudes.
Sandy is the main character in Downward Spiral. She plays a stewardess who is about to leave for her latest trip when a devious cabbie abandons her in as shady a part of the city as possible. She meets some whores while in this apparent underworld. One of them kindly tells her, “If you want to make money, you have to suck!” From there, Sandy’s life is forever altered. She’s exposed to (and partakes in) sexual adventures which are unlike anything she’s ever experienced before. For me, the movie reaches its peak in the one scene where Sandy is most active. She gets into a gang shower with a stable of Europe’s finest girls: Annette Dawn, Eve Angel, Sophie Moone and Zafira. They proceed to exhaustively fuck one another. Kathia Nobili is also excellent when she’s forced to submit to the cravings of two goofily dressed gangsta wannabes. The final scene is perhaps intended to be the best. Sandy is at last released from the depths of her hellish venture, but she’s clad in only a blouse. A couple of cops, Bambi and Kid Jamaica arrive, but they’re only interested in taking advantage of what they presume to be a slut. This being the last scene, I’d hoped to see Sandy take some cock deep inside her cooch. Instead, she doesn’t do much more than give the guy a handjob. She does a great job with her handiwork and also does a nice job of taking it to Bambi, but I came away feeling kind of gypped since she doesn’t take the plunge. That doesn’t make this a bad movie, but the short length of some of these scenes hurts.
Lastly, there’s a bit of an adventure vibe courtesy of Billionaire. Jack Duvall, played by Franco Trentalance, is searching for an ancient artifact known as the Eye of Destiny. He needs someone to finance his expedition and gets it from a fat, blonde chick. What all of this has to do with some of the sex scenes is beyond me, but as before, there are some very likeable European beauties to feast your eyes upon. I’d say the best sex took place when George Uhl got to take on Mandy Saxo and Sonia Red. The setting is exotic and George does an admirable job of screwing both of these hotties. I like the addition of some English ass in the form of Sahara Knite, but she only blows Franco and gets fucked in mish before her scene abruptly ends. One thing that’s more apparent on this release than any of the others is the relentless moaning from most of the girls. It wouldn’t surprise me if the director, Max Bellocchio, put the gals up to it. Overall, the sex here’s not quite as good as it is on Downward Spiral and The Sexth Element.
The Jack Dup Verdict - The main thing that stands out about these four movies is how terrible Mystery of the Sexy Diamonds is. I wouldn’t blame anyone for trashing that one once they’ve given it a run-through. I do like the different mix of genres. You get some action, sci-fi, a sordid drama and a bit of an Indiana Jones/adventure-type flick. The sex in some of the scenes is excellent, but the shortness of them can be a disappointment. If you’re into story porn, I don’t know that I’d recommend this. I wasn’t really enthralled by any of the stories. Rather, I’d suggest viewing this if you need a little exposure to girls of a European variety, as there are some dazzling ones in this 4-Pack.
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DVD Features Include: 4 disc set | multiple languages - english | spanish | german | italian | french | subtitles - greek | portuguese | bonus scenes | behind the scenes | cast profiles | making of | playable worldwide | trailers
Running Time: 485 minutes | Production Date: 06-04-2008
Cooter the counting cactus says that you are smutmonkey number 831 to read this Rancho Review.
DATE POSTED: 2010-06-16
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