I'm kinda torn with this one. In the one hand, I've got a serious Latina fetish, and they don't come much hotter than this atractivo poco vagabundo Carmen Luvana, who looks enuff like a nacho eatin' Britney Spears to really flare my trousers. In the other hand (the empty one), this is an Adam and Eve flick, and let's face it- these things are for pussies. I mean, enough with the goddamn plots, ya know? Anyway, Carmen plays a stripper (duh), who gets wooed by a rival strip club owner. That's it, the whole story; yet they still manage to jibber jabber for half the running time. I suppose that's what the scroll button is for, and once I started zipping through the yak, I found some muy caliente scenes.
Bad ass Tyce Bune bangs Lezley Zen- who looks like a poor girl's Gina Gershon- in the VIP room of the strip club. That never happens to me. Zen talks a nasty game, that's for sure, and the only thing holding this scene back from truly flying right off the handle is that she manages to keep that fine tight butthole unmolested. Damn.
Covergirl Carmen and a silicone and peroxide enhanced hussy named Alison White tangle tacos on the strip club stage next, but Adam and Eve are so interested n looking fancy that the whole thing is drenched in hot pink and deep blue neon lights, so you might as well just close your eyes and imagine what's happening, because yr not gonna see much.
Foxy Angelica Crystal takes Kyle Stone's angry prick in her inviting asshole poolside in a pretty hot scene marred only by the ghastly sex noises the two of 'em make.
Kyle: "Ugh. Ugh. Ugh!"
Sounds like a caveman splatter flick.
There's three more sex scenes, but at this point, the saturated lighting and the incessant wanky guitar soloing on the soundtrack started to give me a headache, so to briefly summarize the good parts, Sophie Evans does anal; ultra-hotty Jessica Drake does her husband, Evan Stone (what? I'm in porn, and I gotta fuck my own wife? That, I can do at home); and Carmen fucks Tyce. The Tyce Man always cometh, daddy-o.
Not bad, really, just too flashy and goddamn noisy for my tastes. But, ya know, if you like 'classy' flicks with 'plots', here ya go. Dunno why yr even watching porn if that's your bag, but that's between you and yr therapist.
Does STRIPPED: CARMEN LUVANA sound like it's
right up your alley? Buy it on
DVD Features Include: full motion chapter indexing | dvd-rom video | spanish track on feature | carmen interview in english and spanish | web access | photo gallery | bonus scene | previews | no regional coding
Running Time: 87 minutes | Production Date: 06-13-2003
Cooter the counting cactus says that you are smutmonkey number 3910 to read this Rancho Review.
DATE POSTED: 11-29-2003