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-from Erotic Media

Rancho Rating: *****
Director: Mike Beck

Starring: Anna-Lena Svensson, Aya Nielsen, Betty Dark, Clabbe Fjong, Claudia Wennstrom, Gadde Ahlstrom, Goran, Laura Herman, Martin Thiseman, Nic the Dick, Nicole Wolf, Nikki Dane, Ray Sorenson, Samson Biceps, Vanster

by Ack Ack Chewahwah

This movie has everything. It has girls in plastic Viking helmets getting fucked in the assholes. It has a 60 year old grandma fucking her cootch with a giant sausage that gradually comes out of it's stuffing. It has terrible, terrible music. It's got a dozen sex scenes ranging from lesbians with double dildos to double penetrations. Man, what more do you want? There are even hilarious voice-overs to decipher what must have originally been Swedish.

The girls (none of whom you've ever seen before or will ever see again) are generally good looking and many turn out more passionate scenes that you're likely to see in American zombie porn. A perfect example is found in scene 3 where a brunette finger flicks her clit towards a quick and apparently real orgasm. It's so hard to write about everything in this movie. There's a girl showering off with a garden hose. There's a magical Viking horn that instantly makes people horny when they hear it. There's an amazing bit of dialogue between a black dude and a cute, pug-nosed girl about whether or not her ass got bruised when she fell off her horse. Then he fucks her. Of course. Everybody gets fucked in this movie. Like 10 times.

I could go on and on. Some of you might pick this up and be like "Those guys at Rancho are on crack." Maybe just this guy at Rancho is on crack. This movie has sex AND it's funny. And it's not even supposed to be funny. See? I mean, look at the fucking cover. If that doesn't sell you then steer clear. But otherwise, dive in, it's a good time. Drink something strong and have a fun, funny evening. I'm all out of shit to write. That grandma pumping the sausage into her pussy is still replaying over and over in my mind like a reoccuring nightmare. That is some quality, quality stuff.

Does VIKING LEGEND sound like it's right up your alley? Buy it on DVD

Running Time: 134 minutes | Production Date: 08-01-2002

Cooter the counting cactus says that you are smutmonkey number 6620 to read this Rancho Review.
DATE POSTED: 03-12-2005

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