The Big Dick
I gotta pan this one, there's just too much to complain about. For starters, the sound on this title fucking sucks. I don't know if it was just my tape or my $60 Wal-mart VCR, but I sure hope the version of Basically Becca you find at your local smut shop has way better sound than the one I watched. The talking, the moaning, and the music sounded like it was going on somewhere near the Earth's core. But, I'll excuse the sound as a technical difficulty and not include that in my final tally of the movie. Even factoring the sound out, this film is still about a million miles off course from what you want in a porno.
The film follows Becca, a real-life cyberspace tramp, as she journeys around taping her other cyberspace knob-friends having sex or masturbating. There are nine scenes. How many comeshots would you expect in a nine scene porno? Try about two and a half. Mostly what we get are girls masturbating with their fingers and the occasional dildo, a couple of fuck scenes (One of which involves an old couple, Barb and Mark. That's where the half comes from), and tons of lame documentary like sequences of the pornstars talking and giggling. Do you want to see pornstars talking? Hell no! You want to see them fucking. Watching these girls expound their notions of sexuality (and even, inexplicably, the Christian origins of Mardi Gras), is about as exciting as, well, ME talking into a video-camera for an hour. That's not very exciting. Even more disappointing is the proof that the video producer knew how lame these documentary sequences were: an "Excite Cam" window pops up occasionally. It's about a quarter of the screen and shows people fucking while the pornstars drone on and pretend they're brainiacs. I mean, give us (the porn viewers of America) a little credit! We can see right through this crap to the lameness beneath!
The sex is pretty bad too. It felt as though my quarter kept running out because the scenes were often over before anything happened. Becca humps a french-tickler (twice actually) for awhile, Dan pulls out of Kira Reed to jizz on her tummy just as she's starting to get into it, Eric bangs against piggish Wendy Divine's cervix in a car while Becca looks bored and out of place, Sweet Georgia and Erica masturbate as the camera violently twitches between them, Georgia and Becca poke at each other with some dildos (Including one that has a flashlight in the tip. This is the coolest thing in the movie. And, of course, it doesn't even end up inside anyone.), Rene, a foot-licker, gets her feet licked by her foot-licker fiancee, Nikki gives Bryan a 5 minute blowjob (and that's it), the old couple tries not to give each other heart-attacks and finally Juli Ashton probes love-swing-bound Becca's vag and rear with a double-headed strap-on. Whew. Now you don't have to suffer through all of that. To Becca's credit, she's decent-looking, and that last scene with Juli was almost tolerable.
A bunch of other garbage litters up the tape: Devinn Lane stripping at a club, Becca running around at the beach, etc. etc. Sorry girls, this one put me to sleep.
Does BASICALLY BECCA sound like it's
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DVD Features Include: interviews | bonus sex scene | stories | bios | chapters | photo gallery | trailers | motion menus | dvd-rom compatible | playable worldwide | dolby digital sound | parental lock
Production Date: 08-30-2001
Cooter the counting cactus says that you are smutmonkey number 5481 to read this Rancho Review.
DATE POSTED: 03-04-2002